1. Say "hysterical" when you mean "hilarious", or "nauseous" when you mean "nauseated".
2. I.M. me EVERY SINGLE TIME you see I'm on Facebook, even though I have never responded back, because I don't really know you. Just keep doing it.
3. Name drop incessantly about famous people you had a chance encounter with and speak about them as if you're old chums.
4. Neglect to use any capitalization or punctuation in your correspondence with me, and misspell every third word.
5. Belch loudly and do not say "Excuse me".
6. Park your grocery cart in the middle of the friggin' aisle while you painstakingly examine every single peach in the bin.
7. Drive 5-10 miles under the speed limit.
To be continued...