This ain't my first rodeo, kid.

Your diaper is dry. Your belly is full. And the doctor has given you a clean bill of health.

I know you're faking it because there are no tears, you keep casting sideways glances at me to see if I'm watching you, and if I were to pick you up the crying would cease instantly.

Not being allowed to pull every CD off the shelf is not going to kill you or cause you any harm at all, so get over it and go play with your toys.

I refuse to be manipulated by a 14 month old. You're STILL crying? Wow, you really have stamina! No, you cannot play with the CDs. I can block out your fake crying; it doesn't bother me at all! It just blends in with the other household noises like the refrigerator's hum or the AC kicking on.

That's almost 5 minutes now! I like how you wind it up to a fevered pitch, then go into the pathetic sobbing for a bit, then wind it right back up. One has to admire your dramatic range! But no, CDs are not for babies to play with.

Here! You want to play in the tupperware cabinet? I'll unlatch it for you. No? Not even the prospect of being able to scatter plastic bowls all over the place has any appeal? You really want to play with those CDs, huh? And you're still crying. Doesn't that hurt your throat after a while? Well, I'm sorry, but CDs are not for...

you know what kid? Knock yourself out! They're all backed up on the computer anyway. Take 'em all off the shelf, open 'em up and spill their contents. I don't care anymore.

Just please stop crying.